Last 2 years...

It has been 2 years and more I wrote anything here. Who knows the January 2020 post was my last birthday that I spent with my late husband. So much have happened; work from home, covid and finally loosing someone I love to a road accident.

And I am at much better place compared to previous years. I am healing. I would not say I fully healed but I am healing. The grief strikes suddenly and I realized it will be always there. I don't think I will fully heal and this feeling is a scar that I will carry for rest of my life.

In the span of this 2 years I learnt a lot. I got married at the age of 24. Viknes was the only guy I knew since I finished Form 5. So loosing him and coming out of a long term committed relationship plus marriage has it's own side effects. I will keep it for another blog post.

Even while I type this, I can feel the lump in my throat; a feeling you get when you are sad. But, I am grateful that I have good circle of friends. I will not forget those who have been by my side. Some still are and their advises are something I keep close to my heart always.

Life is hard. You got to live with it.

Money Heist with Kollywood Actors

I just started working from home when I see my friends and those I follow on social media posting about Money Heist.

So I decided to watch it. Honestly, first season was a bit slow but it picks up from second season onwards. 

It will get you hooked, I promise. I watched it in Spanish. Well, there is subtitle. I might have learned some bad words in Spanish. And if course, some good words too.

So, everyone was coming up with their own version of Hollywood, Bollywood and Kollywood actors. Well, this is mine.

Money Heist Kollywood Version

Professor : Surya

Lisbon : Aiswarja Rajesh/Jyotika

Tokyo : Trisha

Denver : Santhanam

Rio : Goutham Karthik

Berlin : Arjun

Nairobi : Nayanthara

Stockholm : Aditi Rao

Marseilles : Babu Anthony

Bogota : Sambath

Sierra : Tabu

Moscow : Jayaprakash

😂

January 2020

Few days back, I did an Instastory questionnaire asking my friends and colleague on how was their January. Mostly answered the were broke, it was insane and some said awesome.

Personally, mine was a balance between good and bad. Like yin and yang. 

Let's begin with New Year. I made milo oreo pudding which turned out so well. 

Then, I made a promise to myself that I will wake up early and go jogging. 

I set the alarm at 7 everyday and I will wake up at 7.30 after snoozing. Still good. I did jog at least 4 times a week. Still a progress. 

I also planned to cook breakfast and lunch everyday. Dinner will be leftover from lunch. Did I achieve it? Yes, half a month. I slacked off since 16th January because it was emotionally difficult week. I had many issues going on this week. All sorted within that week itself. Phew! 

Pongal. 

I was not so keen on doing boghi because at that point of time there were bushfires at Australia and I don't want to contribute to more thinning of ozone layer. We already are without realizing. 

As much boghi was throwing away old things and cleaning house, I felt it was more important to do that to inner self. 

Pongal is a Thanksgiving day to Sun and nature in particular. I did not buy new pot, tie the thoranam and sugarcane due to some circumstances but I will do in future of course. 

How could I forget about my birthday. It was a good celebration. Batu Caves, Darbar and I ended it off with Cappuccino Cheesecake. 

My January take aways would be grab oppurtunies whenever it shows up, healing your inner self is very important, it is ok to say no if you are not happy about it and you can achieve whatever you set your mind into. 

Happy February! 

Lighten Dark Underarms

I like wearing sleeveless tops. But... I hate the fact that I have dark underarms. Years of shaving and I noticed that certain brand of deodorant made it look worse.

So, I googled tips to lighten dark underarms. The usual tips of no shaving, lemon juice, potatoes, baking soda etc. But one soul on Insta commented that toner works. So I was like, hmm let's give it a try.

So, off I go to a drugstore and got this bottle. 

It works. Just use it like how you use it for your face. 

And, I have a colleague who used it and gave good review as well. 

Disclaimer : It might not work for everybody. Use it under your own risk. 

Especially if you are a special breed where the world tells that it works but somehow it doesn't for you because you don't like the person who told you that 😂.

Hope you benefit from this tip. 

Sardine Sandwich

Yum, yum. Even writing the recipe makes me drool.

Ingredients :
425g Sardine (I used Ayam brand)
600g Gardenia bread
Bird's eye chili
Crushed onion and garlic
Butter
Mayonaise
Lettuce
Calamansi

Steps :

1. Heat oil. Stir the crushed onion and garlic until it is fragrant. Add bird's eye chili.
2. Add the sardine pieces with the sauce. While stirring, mince it and let the sauce thicken. Squeeze the calamansi juice and mix well.
3. Cut the bread pieces into 2. You can even cut it into 4 to make a mini sandwich.
4. Spread some butter and mayonnaise. Add lettuce. Then add required amount of the sardine.

Tadaa, the sandwich is ready.

This sardine mixture can last in fridge for two days. You can freeze it up for one month and use for your next sandwich craving. 

Mee Goreng

For dinner one day at home

For office potluck dinner

Since I have got good reviews from my husband and colleagues on this mee goreng, I decided to post the recipe here. You can adjust the ingredients quantity accordingly and skip some - all up to you. The sauce is the most important items and do not skip this. 

Ingredients :

2 packets of mee (each packet can serve 5 to 6 people)

2 pieces of tofu (cut into pieces and fry first) 

5 pieces of dried tofu (cut into 2 pieces each) 

Sawi (cleaned and cut as well) 

Beansprouts

3 eggs 

Onion 

Garlic 

Bird's eye chili

Anchiovies

Calamansi

Sauce (prepare this in a bowl) 

4 tbsp grind chilli paste

4 tbsp tomato sauce

4 tbsp chilli sauce

2 tbsp soy sauce

Steps 

1. Heat oil in a wok. Add the crushed onion and garlic. I add crushed anchovies at this point too. Stir well until it is fragrant. Add the bird's eye chili. And stir. 

2. Once this is done, on the same wok, set aside the above mixture and fry the eggs. (You can fry them separately too if you don't feel confident. I have been there) 

3. Add the tofu(s) . Mix well. 

4. Add the sauce and let it cook a while. Add salt if required. Then you can add the mee. Mix well until the sauce coats all parts of mee. 

5. Add the vegetables and mix well. 

Now, it is ready to be eaten. The calamansi adds some extra ummph.

I did a vegetarian mee goreng for my office potluck. So I skipped the anchovies and eggs. 

I skipped the beansprouts too since it has a tendency to spoil fast. 

#seethacooks

Gratitude Challenge

I am not consistent here but I am updating daily on my InstaStory and highlighted it under #gratitude30.

I am glad I took this challenge because I know which part I need to work on and I feel 2018 was a mixture of good and bad.

So I guess this is my last post for 2018.

I don't have any new year resolutions. I am just going to go with the flow.

Talking about resolutions, I remember my brother and I would write down our goals for the upcoming year on 31/12 night.

And I remember writing down about my grades for SPM, meeting Viknes and some other things I don't remember.

Well, it was good time. Tsk ;)

Happy New Year!

Limousine

Hi everyone,

While talking about cars with my friends one day, I remembered my wedding car was a limousine.

In the heat of the arguments with some of negative people in my wedding, I totally did not cherish the ride back home to Hutan Melintang.

All I remembered was crying to Viknes on why this people tried to ruin our wedding.

It has been 4 years. This people have spoiled on what should have been my beautiful memory and still have the guts to think they are right.

But but, I remembered saying wow to the car, our selfies in it, my cousin sister Maithily who accompanied me and we are married despite whatever they tried.

To the beautiful limo, my awesome brother who arranged it, my husband who sometimes reminds me on it, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

💙

Day 3 of #gratitude30 : Love

Love comes in all forms.

I believe action speaks louder than words. 

I send love to everyone who loves me. Thank you for being with me in my times of hardship and battle.

I am very grateful.

💙

Day 2 of #gratitude30 : Inspiration

When it comes to gratitude for inspiration, I can write many pages on what inspires me from each person I know.

My parents : They have not once mentioned how much they have sacrificed for me and my brother. I knew and noticed it as I grow up.

Ok, let's see who inspires me from social media.

Revady N : I stumbled upon her page when I was feeling low in my life. She talks about positivity, gratitude and styling. Part of me owe her on what I am now compared to beginning of the year.

Sumitra Selvaraj : I like to read her stories that she writes along with her picture on Insta.

Vidya Vox : She sings so well, her outfit combo is amazing and I like her hair 💙

Anjana from CurlsBeautyDiary and Deepika from DesiCurly : This girls inspire me to love my curls and both of them are generous with knowledge and willing to help.

So the list goes on.

I also have people who remind me not to be like them in future.

So that's day 2.

Appa 💙

When I was young, younger ok...I am still young now hahaha 😊, my father had mentioned that he likes Benz. He also made me watch football and told me he will buy Portugal jersey(because I was crazy over Christiano Ronaldo).

Even though the jersey doesn't make its way which I don't mind, I always wanted to rent a Benz so my father can drive it.

I told my father playfully when I was 14, I will bring him to watch World Cup live from the stadium. I don't know if I can or will be able to afford that but I hope I can bring him watch live football match in Malaysia at least. 

I want to see him grin in happiness like he usually do. 

Dear Universe,

Please make way for this to happen.

Day 1 of #gratitude30 : Home

Two quotes// sayings that I freaking love:

1) Sometimes, home has a heartbeat too
2) Home is the where the heart belongs

This two quotes instantly remind me of my husband and my family.

Recently, I watched a movie; Kaatrin Mozhi where Viji(Jhotika)'s sisters would say that if there is any problem in the job you are working, you will come finding us. I Ioved viji's response. Yes I will come, because you are my family.

And I have seen how my husband, parents and brother have helped me during my downtimes.

Yeah, so these people are my home. People I look forward to tell my good and bad day. People I share my dreams.

Home 🏡

November 2018

Hi everyone,

It got me thinking when I was reading the fertility journey of others; why no update after this step? What happened?

I know why now and I am choosing to keep it to myself as well until everything turns out fine.

One thing for sure; the journey isn't easy.

Well, well, well...

November ended so fast. I couldn't believe we are already on the last month of the year now.

So, it was Deepavali month. And I took a sudden decision on being vegetarian for 6 days on Sasthi. Try to read//hear the benefits on YouTube.

Oh by the way, I started updating whatever dishes I cook on Instastory so that I can highlight it.

Then, it was my 4th wedding anniversary last 27th. I used my final half day at work, we went out for a movie; Katrin Mozhi and ate good Chinese food.

So overall, it was a month full of ups and downs.

Hi December :)

Dengkil 😊

The place I dreaded to move. But, I am loving it here.

It feels like home here. Even though Cyberjaya and Dengkil only 10 minutes apart, there is a vast difference between this two cities.

I love that I can find my favourite Chinese kueh here. I literally feel like this emoji : 😻

The temple is just around the corner and right now, my husband and I have weekly visits there.

I should have moved here sooner but better late than never.

;)

My TTC Journey 🚼: LPPKN Part 4

Since my husband need to repeat his semen test, we walked in again on the 27/9/2018. I paid only RM25 this session and was given another appointment on the 24/10/2018.

The doctor told me to prepare up to RM600 for this appointment.

I want to be a mother so badly. At least before I turn 30. 

With a lot of prayers, folic acid every day and medical appointments, I believe I will be one.

😊

My TTC Journey 🚼: LPPKN Part 3

Hi all,

I just realized the last I updated was on the 19th July. I totally missed to update my appointment on the 24th July.

So, this was on my 21st cycle. There was a blood draw and pap smear. I paid a total of RM65 for this.

My husband has to repeat his semen test though. So we need to walk in again.  Hopefully this week.

After this appointment, everything was inin ru because I had a flight to Krabi on the 27th.

My TTC Journey 🚼: HSG X-Ray

On the first day of your period, you need to call the clinic given by the LPPKN doctor to set an appointment for HSG x-Ray. 

In my case, it was Daya x-Ray centre. 

The waiting period was not long. And it was only 2 minutes but the doctor who will be doing the procedure is a male. And a very arrogant one, I feel.

Usually, I will search on Google on every freaking details of my scan or report. This time, I just let it go.

I paid a total of RM290 and was telling my husband this better be worth it. Haha cause the cramps for the two minutes even though bearable felt like two hours.

My TTC Journey 🚼: LPPKN Part 2

Hi there,

So this is the part where you go to get your blood tested. They will test your FSH, LSH and if both husband and wife has any STDs. This is a walk in appointment.

I paid a total of RM101 for this appointment.

The doctor also will give you a follow up appointment for another blood test and pap smear 😱 on the 21st day of your cycle.

In between, you need to do HSG X- Ray. This will be at different place so I will write another post on it.

🌌

Rice Cooker 🍚

Survival mode kicked in this week. The induction stove at my apartment suddenly stopped working. I can't find out the reason. It is end of the month and honestly, I am almost broke. Eating outside means RM7-RM10 per meal. Then only I realized that I can cook with rice cooker while I repair the induction stove. 😂 . So far, I cooked only two dishes - egg sambal and ginger chicken.

I am currently practicing mindfulness. Still a newbie but I learned a lot. Some tips I picked up along the way :-

🌿 Do one thing at a time.
🌿 If you are stressed out, take deep breaths and use your 5 senses to control your emotion.
🌿 Take at least 3 minutes a day to reflect on yourself at current state.

So yeah, I feel more productive after practicing this. I used to write when I feel overwhelmed, but now only I realized it is called brain dump.

Ok then, I guess that's it for today. 😊

My TTC Journey 🚼 : LPPKN Part 1

For those wandering what is TTC, it means trying to conceive. I had conceived before but it was not viable.

I planned to go for fertility treatment and thanks to my colleague, she told me about LPPKN. 

I messaged them on Facebook and I they replied with the numbers to call. Oh, I can't upload the screenshot. I will try to upload on the laptop later.

So, I called and got an appointment on 14/5.

Basically, this is the first step.

Your husband will be sent for a semen analysis.

While he is on that, you will have a questionnaire with a doctor.

And once you are done, your husband who by then should be back from semen analysis will be called for questionnaire. 

Once the semen result is out, the doctor will set an appointment for you based on your period dates.

On the next period, you have to go for blood tests within day 2 - day 5.

Then, you have to call for HSG x-ray appointment, usually day 9.

You will have another appointment on day 21. And then, finally, you will have an appointment with the doctor.

The doctor who will attend me is Dr.Komathy. 

I paid a total of RM75 for this session.

I will update on following sessions. Baby dust to all on the same boat.

😘